bitter and twisted

i shouldn't be this twisted... surely not

One to One.... (Joe Jackson song)

So tonight i'm going to just type with nothing in mind. i do my best thinking when i do it this way.

Last night i went to bed with a headache and then woke up with one this morning, the little fucker wont go away. I get migranes all the time, they are set off by high-pitched noises such as beeping, some instruments distorted on cds stuff like that. bloody annoying really. so I've been yawning and ouching all day.

i just got told by one of my friends that i'm an angel.. i think shes delusional. but i love her to bits anyway.

looks like i'm heading to perth for xmas. i'm slightly pissed off about something relating to that, but i will finally get to meet one of my best ever friends so i'm happy about that.

you know those people who walk really slow when you need to get somewhere fast?
and those people who stop in the MIDDLE of the footpath?
i want to slap them all in the back of their heads. i live in a CITY, when i moved here i assumed everyone walked fast, but fuck no! they walk as slow as FREAKING possible. Why is it also, that when i'm late i get the slowest drivers of public transport ever? they all go about 5 freaking centimeters per hour! Grrr......

and thats the end of this randomness.

blood and guts

I will .....

i just confessed a lot of things i've been hauling around in my brain for awhile and now it is time to let them go.

1. Instead of being surprised when he says he loves me, i'll be grateful and say it back, while letting him see my feelings in my eyes.

2. i will smile when all i want to do is cry

3. i will not take anything for granted, least of all my friends and my money

4. I will tell my mother i love her, even when i'm angry at her

5. I will take all that comes my way and deal with it myself, it wont kill me it will make me stronger

6. i will treat myself to something i enjoy just because i can

7. I will love myself as much as i can

8. I will smile at least 3 times a day

9. i will do something i enjoy daily

10. I will stress less and love more


so tomorrow, i will be going for a walk at southbank because i enjoy it there, i will be talking to my man and telling him i appreciate him and love him, i will call my mum on sunday and tell her i love her, and i will smile lots at life :)

Heres a smile for you... :D

Exams and Life...

i looked across the room and watched others
scribble loudly on their pages
i looked down at mine
flipped to an easier question
my mind went numb
when did i learn this?
more to the point,
when did i forget it?


i dont know what i've done in my exams.

i did my sociology one, i thought i did good, but others told me they didnt finish the exam, yet i got mine all done and left early... so i dont know how i did.

Then came Literature...
Essays arent my strong point. Ask me to have an opinion verbally and i can make you understand, ask me to write it down in an hour and i fail miserably. i had to write two essays in two hours on texts i had read over this year (not as easy as it sounds) the catch is, we get three passages from the texts to write about. i think i did okay, not great, just okay.

then came work...
lets just say i expected innapropriate comments from the factory workers, not the guy who is essentially the team leader. needless to say, i'm not staying in this job long....

next exam is on tuesday, so i get monday and tuesday off work (thank god)

so lets talk about life shall we?

I might not be seeing my man at all this weekend, and I'm worried because most times when he does work weekends and doesnt sleep well he gets really sick. i reminded him to eat at regular times and i hope he gets sleep tonight. normally i dont worry because he gets to be at home working, not out in the field.

I really miss my school friends. i dont get to see them as often and i dont want to lose them. I'm heading home to mums soon, she wanted me to come home for xmas, so i'm dragging my man with me (4 hour train ride) that will be probably on the 5th of december... maybe.

But yesterday... i fell up an escalator... it wasnt going fast enough for me (yeah i am that weird.)

how was your week?


How do i keep myself focused on study???????


Tafe ended yesterday (thursday the 23rd) wooooooooooohooo!!!! went shopping with job money to celebrate... bought ass sexy jeans from jay jays, PRETTY girly high heels with bows and fake laces on them at Imagination for TEN DOLLARS!!!!!!! down from 59 bucks :0 i can barely walk in them, but they are so cute :D and a pair of canvas shoes. i spent too much money :( oh well, since tafe is over i can work as much as i want, just having days off to go to exams. First one on the 5th, second on the 6th, third on the 11th and the last one on the 19th. no fussed if i do bad, i only did this course so i could come to melbourne.

work is okay. one of the blokes admitted that one of the other guys is really sexist towards me. the sexist guy really pisses me off sometimes, i cant say much cos he is my boss, but sometimes i need him to back off and let me do as i do. He says he hates female workers because he has to be nice and shit like that. i'm a country girl, and a feminist in somethings, and his behavior pisses me off.

its a workplace mostly full of men, and i fit in cos i dont expect any special treatment, if i want something i'll get it myself!! Argh. it may sound like i'm a spoiled brat, but if you had to put up with the guy standing over you telling you to be quicker, to get more done, and that he hates female workers, it would get you down too. Hes a nice guy, he just needs a reality check when it comes to me... how do you think i could say it without sounding bratty??

mum and sister are being nice to me.... what do they want???

Gooey, Mushy Musings

I'm sitting in my man's bed listening to him snore. i'm so glad he is in my life, i wouldnt have stayed in melbourne so long if it wasnt for him, i'd be miserable and broke. (not to mention starving because i didnt have money for food, and i cant cook anyway)

ive known him since i was 16, but i only met him this year. he makes me happy, after a bad day hearing his voice makes it all better. he hasnt run away even though he has seen how broken and twisted i am. I love him so much :)

Random Musings

sitting here watching one of my favorite tv shows "Two and a Half Men" so funny! So i'm sitting here relaxing after my ouch head and bad day. I worked again today, was okay i guess. i fucked up but my boss fixed it cos it was something i hadnt done before.

Tafe was as boring as ever, thank god this is the last week. i got kicked out of a class on tuesday, apparently i wasnt paying attention. i dont think i care, i cried when another teacher saw me though, i dont really know why. a bad day i guess. i was a bit shocked the teacher kicked me out, i seriously wasnt expecting that. i dont want to face her tomorrow morning, but that might mean that she bested me, so i want to show how tough i am. (its a long story to my insane -ness)

so tomorrow i get up at shit-o- clock and go to a class that i hate, all to save face pretty much. so this is another brain vomit post.

Life in the crazy world of me

so i have an examy thingy on tuesday, working all day monday at my spiffy job, then three days of tafe, and more job on friday. hopefully sometime in there i'll get to see my man, and see my friends. I really wanna buy a new book and i know i have the money for it, just gotta wait for the money and steal the angus and robertson card off my man. I love books, they make my brain happy :) I've been re-reading the Anita Blake books by Laurell K Hamilton. I also wanna get the rest of the "Tales Of The Otori" books by Lian Hearn, theres two more i need to get, argh! now i'm working i want to spoil myself of all the things i couldn't get when i didn't have the money, but i still need to save up for Christmas and all that stuff.

Then theres the exam things before that. BLAGH!!!! meh, i dont need to do well i dont even care if i do well, just seems a waste of a year if i don't do well. I know i'm not gonna do well in a class, i keep getting D's and i had an E, so meh, not worried.

And this is the end of my brain fart post. Stay tuned for next time's Brain Fart, where i talk about my job and all the other shit in my head.


Open letter to the bitch who dissed me.

Dear Broad,

The words that come out of your mouth don't show maturity. In fact they mostly are really bitchy. we used to be good friends, and now I don't want a damn thing to do with you. you are so arrogant it amazes me sometimes, and you tell me I can't live in the real world. You talk about your boyfriend who is old enough to be your father like that is something to be proud of. Yes, you moved from another country, and yes, you have a job, and yes you paid so much to do this course that doesn't get you anywhere anyway... so stop whining. You honestly think you are so much better than everyone else because you are from a damn overseas country, you think you are smarter than everyone else because you get good marks. You are so up yourself its just sad now. You told me i wasnt mature enough to handle the real world, but i've moved out of home and even though i didnt have a job until today, i was managing things well. What does that even mean? Mature enough for the real world, i certainly don't have the opinion of you thats really mature, you are friends with older people yes, you have a much older boyfriend and your father paid for this tafe course, how does that make you better than me? why in the hell do you think you are better than me? you've traveled the world, but does that make you able to live in the real world? i have the opinion of no. so don't you be arrogant and annoying just because you think you are better than me, you dont even know me.

Grow up and realise that its not ALL ABOUT YOU


Today has been a REALLY good day. i miss my man like crazy but he rang me this afternoon so I'm all good. Happy Happy Joy JOY!! damn i'd love a slice of piggy right now! i'm sitting here watching The Pacifier on tv (good movie) i've decided that Vin Deisel is hot, but he was better in The Fast and The Furious. Now im watching 60 Minutes, watching little brats getting credit cards. I'm not in debt to anyone just my mum and my flatmate. watching stuff like this is pissing me off, i dont live on much and these brats want everything, these are people my age and older! how in the hell did my mother bring my sister and i up to not want everything? fuckin crazy! i'm not getting a credit card until i have job security and i'm not getting a plan on my phone until i at least have a job. that stuff just annoys me, if you dont have the money to buy it in the first place, then wait save up and THEN buy it. You dont need it right away, if you have survived for years without it, you arent gonna need it right away. argh, my good mood is still here, but i'm annoyed at stupidity!

take care!
dont get in debt



i need tissues for my issues.
normally i'm happy and bubbly, i love being me.
when i get tired and stressed or something reminds me
memories come out of the box i hide them in
and ruin me
thoughts fly through
with no end in sight
of all the past things
i went to him that night, and he made me forget
the man who i dont think realises just how hard it is
for me to love... anyone
the feeling is going now
this i know
i'll be okay for now, i always am
it doesnt ever last that long
it just breaks me for a little while


hm what to say, I should be doing homework, i have to summarize some stuff - that's always fun. don't know why I'm bothering, should be job searching. instead, I'm sitting on the couch, watching "Pretty Woman"

i have come to the realisation that life is not a fairytale (shock horror i know) these stories in the movies and on TV, aren't real. i wish sometimes they were. if i could have anything i wanted right now i would have my man in the room with me, we don't have to be talking, i just want to be able to lay my eyes on him when i want to. i have fallen so hard for this guy, im gonna be a wreck when we break up.

Hollywood delights in the corny endings, and for once I'm a girl about them. "what happened after the knight climbed up and rescued her? "

"she rescued him right back"

my inner feminist is screaming for joy.

First Ever Post

well it was warm today and now its cold. i was up all night last night reading a bloody funny blog by
Kelley at she had me in HISTERICS!

anyhoo, heres a bit about me.
Age - 20 (as of the 15th of september)
location - the Bestest most beautiful city Melbourne Australia
Current occupation - Student/ job seeker
Favorite food - does ice cream count as food?
Favorite drink - Milkshakes

i recently cut caffeine out of my diet, though i did cave and steal one of my flatmates diet colas (it was for my sore throat i Swear!!) i dont know if i feel better or worse for not having it, i'm not craving it, i still like the smell, i still have bad sleeping habits and my skin is still pimpled. Crazy me for thinking it would change something.

excuse my jumping from topic to topic but my brain is vomiting!

This blog is called Crazy Raincloud - musings from the silver lining because i'm crazy (everyone tells me i am) and i love the rain. i'm also semi optimistic, unless someone has done something to me, or life is just being a big fat pain in the arse. as it is at the moment due to the fact i have a headcold. though its almost over and i can finally see my boyfriend without thinking i cant kiss him because i'll make him sick, thats the thing with sharing saliva, if he gets sick, i get sick and vise versa. i really miss kissing him :( ive been sick for months from the end of Febuary to now, thats alot of time sick.

i warn you now, alot of this blog wont make sense. but thats just me.