Train Musings.

11:48 PM
I wrote this on the back of an envelope while on the train. I have not changed how I wrote it, I will just recite it here verbatim.

I am not as old as some
and not as young as others
I am trying to find my place in the world

I stand at the middle of a tall never ending ladder
the rungs below me are gone,
lessons i have learned
shame, humility, love
the bridges i have burned and the
people i have loved
and lost

I am joined occasionally
as I climb by new friends,
old friends and lovers alike

The past lives on below me,
the future a rung ahead
I am climbing a ladder of Life
measured by Life
Not age.


I was thinking as I wrote this about people's lives. Am i five steps ahead of my friends who still live with their parents? One rung back because I'm not good at maths? Am I ahead because I am more mature because of the fact I have to rely on myself more and my friends don't have to worry where next weeks food is coming from? I am not on the same rung as some as my friends, some may be more mature, some may be less. And what happens when we reach the end? maybe its not a never ending ladder, it just appears that way.

I have been reflecting on my life and wondering about my legacy. I am only 20 but I have no superannuation or savings, how am i going to retire? My body feels like its falling apart how am I going to deal when I am older? I do not lead a carefree life, as much as I try to pretend I do. I am worried about my future because I am stuck in a box in my present.

(I did not mean for this post to be so ... deep, but its all true.)

2 comments:

dam buster | May 14, 2009 at 2:06 PM

Deep Christine.. very deep.
I agree that you probably are more mature than a normal 20 year old. Moving out of home as a teenager to fend for yourself is tough going. I know I did that when I moved to melbourne from the country to go to uni.

Once you have the whole employment thing sorted then I think you will feel more secure about what is happening and will find things a bit more care free.

Don't think of life as a race as such.. A race to what? death? you should enjoy the ride and teh journey that life brings. I know things are tough but you will learn from them and come out the other side a much better and stronger person.

Carma Sez | May 14, 2009 at 11:34 PM

I've got twenty years on you and I still worry about a lot of the same things- you are not alone in that regard :-) You strike me as someone with focus and if you can stick to plan, you'll get there. On your own at 20 is pretty mature! You are very capable of achieving success...Not sure if this rambling helped any...

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